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Winning at Custody is one of the most difficult issues parents confront in divorce. In many cases, both parents want custody and are willing to spend whatever it takes to win. Custody is all about what is best for the children – and that involves proving that you are the best parent – i.e. that the other parent is not as good a parent as you and or that the other parent is just simply a bad parent.

My recommended tips for winning at custody are:

1. If you are not involved in your children’s lives now, you are not getting custody from a judge. If you are a working parent who lets your spouse handle all of the details of parenting, you are not prepared to win at custody. You must either change your objectives or change your parenting.

If you really want custody, get involved now – in all aspects of your children’s lives. Get involved in your children’s schooling. Attend their extra curricular events. Take them to the doctor and dentist. Get to know what professionals your children see and be involved with them?

2. Make sure that you are not exposing your children to unsafe or unhealthy environments when they are with you. Are you involved in another relationship? Has there been more than one? Be very careful about exposing your children to your companion(s). Many judges, professionals, and other parents object to the children being subjected to other relationships too early in that process.

More important, if you really want to win at custody, it should be because you want to spend time with your children parenting them. Spending time with someone else when you have the children is a recipe for losing at custody in court.

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I just found a shocking new about Britney Spears. Here the story:

Britney Spears is being investigated for “child abuse” as part of the ugly custody battle with her ex-husband, it has been claimed.

The allegations were reportedly raised at a recent hearing with Spears’ lawyer, the attorney for her ex Kevin Federline and a lawyer from Los Angeles County Counsel.

The claims have emerged as Spears battles with Federline for custody of 23-month-old Sean and Jayden James, 11 months.

A hearing has been arranged for September 4 to decide who will have custody of the boys.

The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services has targeted the troubled mother-of-two, whose parenting skills have been put into question following a number of incidents and reports from her staff.

In April last year, child welfare officials visited the pop star at her Malibu mansion after she was spotted driving with son Sean, then just four months, sitting on her lap. However, she was not charged with any offence.

This all about celebrities. They just married, divorce and involve in claim about their children. Most affected was their children. I feel sorry for their children.

Source: Yahoo News

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1. Get organized. Prepare detailed written notes outlining your legal problem or questions. Provide the lawyer all the details, and let he or she decide what is important to your case.

2. Complete and honest disclosure of all facts. It is very important that you provide a complete and honest description of your problem, including information that may be favorable, unfavorable, or embarrassing. Leaving out a minor fact or detail could have a huge negative impact on your case. Only if you fully disclose the facts about your situation can an attorney properly advise you. Remember that there are strict rules that require an attorney to keep your information confidential. 3. Discuss fees. Your attorney will be ready to discuss fees at the first meeting, and you should be ready to do the same. You can and should negotiate fees and discuss payment plans with your attorney. Get your agreement in writing and keep a copy for your file. Most disputes about fees happen because there is no written record of an agreement. 4. Ask a lawyer questions. In order for your attorney to serve you better, you must understand all aspects of your case and the legal process. Understanding the process will help you understand how the lawyer is working and what type of information is needed on your case. But remember, you are paying for your attorney’s time. It is more cost effective to ask several questions at once instead of calling your attorney every time one question comes to mind. You may be charged for each call depending on your fee agreement. 5. Understand what you sign. Before you sign a document, ask your attorney to fully explain to your satisfaction any document. What can be clear and routine to an attorney can be confusing to people without formal legal training. 6. Keep your own records. Ask for copies of all letters and documents prepared on your case. You should also keep the written fee agreement between you and your attorney in the file. You may have to access this information at some point in the future so it is important to maintain records. 7. Legal advice. Give careful and thoughtful consideration to what your attorney advises. The attorney’s judgments are based on legal training and experience. Remember that lawyers cannot work magic. No attorney wins every case, and sometimes the best legal advice may not be what you want to hear. Your attorney will provide advice that has your best legal interests in mind. The central focus of any case is the facts. Each side will have facts that contribute to the outcome of the case. It is the lawyer’s responsibility to make you aware of the potential outcome of your case based on the facts. HOW DO I PREPARE AND WHAT SHOULD I TAKE TO THE FIRST INTERVIEW? Plan to go to the first interview with an open mind. You do not have to decide to employ the attorney with whom you are interviewing until you have had time to think about the interview and your experience in communicating with the lawyer.

When you go to your initial consultation, it is important to have with you a written summary, or detailed notes outlining your problem. The notes or summary should include: 1. Names, addresses and phone numbers of all persons or companies involved 2. All documents which are part of your case, including a. Documents you have received from another attorney b. Documents you have received from a court c. Journals d. Written Correspondence (includes emails) e. Receipts f. Contracts g. Medical bills h. Repair estimates i. Checks, etc. j. Pictures k. Written notes detailing the history of your situation

The attorney may ask you to deliver written materials in advance of your first interview in order to have adequate time to review them. You may prefer to provide copies rather than originals at the initial interview. Remember that all lawyers are subject to attorney-client privilege and therefore, must maintain any information in strict confidence.

Next, prepare a list of questions for the attorney, such as: 1. Are you specialized and/or experienced in my type of problem? 2. Will you or one of your associates be handling my case? 3. Will you regularly contact me about the status of my case? 4. Will I be provided with copies of all important documents, and will there be a charge for those documents? 5. Will I be able to make the final decision on my case? 6. What is your estimate of time needed to complete my case? 7. What is the hourly billable rate? 8. What amount of retainer is required to request your services? REMEMBER: When you hire an attorney, the attorney will be working for you. He or she should be genuinely interested in your problem and in giving you the best possible advice. The attorney may not be able to accomplish everything you wish because of the facts or the laws that apply in your case. Many times the best advice an attorney can give will be to avoid court action. He or she may suggest other methods to resolve your matter, such as mediation.

WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT OF MY ATTORNEY? Here are a few tips about what to expect from your attorney. Your attorney should: 1. Give you candid, honest advice; 2. Tell you the strong and weak points of your case; this includes potential outcomes based on facts and your instructions on how to proceed 3. Keep you informed and follow your instructions, within the bounds of the law; 4. Protect and defend you to the best of his or her ability and to the fullest extent of the law; 5. While representing you, not represent any other client whose interests conflict with yours; 6. Provide you, if you ask, with copies of all letters and documents involved in your case; 7. Provide an itemized bill of all work done for you and all expenses incurred on your behalf.

WHAT WILL MY ATTORNEY EXPECT OF ME? The attorney will expect you to: 1. Be prompt for court dates and appointments; 2. Let him or her know how to keep in touch with you. If you have a change of address or phone number or place of employment, let your attorney know; and 3. Be completely honest — even if it is embarrassing to tell the truth about your problem. Remember, what you tell an attorney in private will be kept confidential. Even confessions to past crimes or criminal activity are going to be treated as confidential by your attorney. Exceptions to this rule of strict confidentiality are plans for future crimes and continuing criminal activity or if the attorney believes that you have or will cause injury to a child. Attorneys are required by law to report suspected child abuse. 4. Not withhold any important information during the conversation that could be potentially damaging to your situation. A common tactic is for the other party to discredit you. Therefore, it is crucial that you fully disclose anything you can think of that could be used against you later on in the proceedings. Understand that even with the weight of the facts on your side, the situation could change if information comes out later that gives the advantage to the other party, because this information was not disclosed earlier to the lawyer.

HOW MUCH WILL THE ATTORNEY CHARGE ME FOR HIS OR HER SERVICES? The attorney’s fee depends upon many variables, such as amount of time, the difficulty of the work, the skill required, the customary fee in your area for similar work, the experience, reputation and ability of the attorney, and whether the fee is a set amount or contingent on the outcome of the case. Some examples of fee arrangements include: Flat fee: The attorney may quote you a set amount or standard fee that he or she has arrived at for your type of legal problem. An example of a legal problem that could be covered in a flat-fee matter is an uncontested divorce without children or a simple will. In addition, lawyers usually expect you to pay court costs and to reimburse them for out-of-pocket expenses, such as travel, long distance, postage, courier, or copying expenses. It is important that you find out what any fixed fee covers. Hourly fee: An attorney may prefer to bill you by the hour and collect an initial retainer. Such fees may vary widely depending upon the complexity of the legal work, the skill of the attorney and whether there are time deadlines. If you agree to an hourly arrangement, you and the attorney could include a provision in your contract requiring the attorney not to exceed a specified amount of time or money without obtaining your permission. Insist that you be kept advised every month of the number of hours that the attorney is spending on your problem. You also have the right to ask for a written explanation of what the attorney did during the hours he or she worked on your case.

Questions about fees that you may want to ask are: 1. Can you give me an estimate of how much this legal matter will cost? 2. Can we have a written fee agreement that sets forth not only my obligation to pay you, but also exactly what services you will provide?

HOW SHOULD I MAKE MY DECISION TO HIRE AN ATTORNEY? Based on your first interview, you should consider the following factors before agreeing to hire an attorney: 1. Could you communicate effectively with the attorney? 2. Was the attorney clear and easy to understand? 3. Are fees reasonable in comparison with other lawyers’ charges? 4. Did the attorney give clear explanations of how he or she will let you know about progress in your case? 5. If you are not satisfied with this attorney, do not hire him or her. Look elsewhere for legal help. Houston Divorce and Family Lawye

Author

Shannon Cavers is a Houston Divorce and Family Lawyer practicing in divorce, family law and probate. More information and articles can be found at her website at Cavers Law Firm

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If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would still take time to go through it. Divorce is at least a major crossroad in your life, maybe even a full-blown life crisis.

So, here you are, you and your spouse, going through your personal life changes, when the State comes along and says, “Excuse me! You can’t go through this without us. Your divorce has to be conducted on our field and under our rules . . . and you can’t even hope to understand our rules. Oh, by the way, this divorce system we’re going to put you through has no tools for helping you solve problems or negotiate with your spouse. In fact, our system is based on conflict and it is specially designed to cause trouble and greatly increase your expense. Please pay your filing fees on the way in.”

Our system of justice is known as an “adversary system.” This is the nature of the beast. It began hundreds of years ago in the middle ages with “trial by combat,” where people with a disagreement would fight it out and whoever survived was “right.” Today, physical contact is no longer a recognized legal technique, but things are still set up as a fight. The parties are regarded as adversaries, enemies in combat. When a divorce is conducted in our legal system, the spouses and their attorneys are expected to struggle against one another and try to “win” the case, to “beat” the opposition.

The rules control the way your attorney works with you. Your attorney is required to be “adversarial,” that is, aggressive and combative. The adversary system and the way lawyers work in it is a major cause of conflict, trouble and the high cost of divorce. You want to have as little as possible to do with the legal system. It is designed to work against you.

In spite of the way things seem, lawyers are not always villains and not always to blame for stirring up conflict. But even for lawyers who mean well, the tools they use and the system they work in will usually increase conflict. Law schools do not require courses in communication or negotiation. Rather, they stress manipulation of rules of law, aggressive and defensive strategy, how to take any side of any case and make the most of it, how to argue, and how to get the most financial advantage in every situation.

Professional standards of practice dictate how a lawyer will conduct your case. For example, professional ethics forbid your lawyer to communicate directly with your spouse–the adversary. It is expected, instead, that your spouse will be represented by an attorney and your lawyer can only communicate through your spouse’s lawyer.

This means that your attorney can’t “talk sense” to your spouse, or explain to your spouse how you see things, or even help you talk to each other. It means your attorney will always have a one-sided view of your case and can never achieve an understanding any greater than your own.

If you retain a lawyer, he will definitely take your case into the contested cycle of the legal system because that’s the only thing he can do. He has to. There are no other formal tools a lawyer can use.

The primary tools the lawyer uses are pre-trial motions and discovery. An attorney can take you and your spouse into court to get temporary orders for support, custody, visitation or keeping the peace. An attorney can use formal discovery to get documents and information under oath.

So, if you and your spouse can work out your own temporary arrangements and share all information openly, you’ll have no need for those incredibly expensive legal tools. You can keep your case out of lawyers’ offices and out of court.

But, if either spouse retains an attorney, that attorney will invariably write formal letters, file legal papers, make motions, and do discovery. These actions will surely cause the other spouse to get an attorney, too. Now, instead of two people who don’t communicate well, you have four people who do not communicate well. The case is now contested and the cost and conflict level will go way up. Attorneys tend to ask for more than they expect to get; it’s considered “good” practice. Your spouse’s lawyer will oppose your lawyer’s exaggerated demands by offering less than they are willing to give and by attacking you and your case at the weakest points.

Now you’re off to a good, hot start and soon you’ll have a hotly contested case, lots of cost, and a couple of very upset spouses. Fees in contested cases can run from tens of thousands of dollars each all the way up to everything.

Summary: Except in high-conflict cases, the legal system has little to offer. The things an attorney can do for you are expensive, upsetting, and tend to increase conflict rather than reduce it.

If you don’t want to (or have to) use the legal system, go around it–work out your arrangements outside the legal system and, if necessary, get limited assistance, in the form of information and advice, from attorneys who do not represent the spouses.

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The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is that they fail to plan. They simply decide to leave the relationship and then enter and ugly and expensive battle that ends up hurting everyone involved. There are some things that you could accidentally do that will make your divorce 100 time more miserable than it really has to be.

As with anything in life, you need to have a plan. The same is true for divorce. If you dont plan for what you want – chances are you won’t get what you want. The first step towards having a plan is to know exactly what you want. After you know what you want you can plan to get it.

Here is an excercise: (Get our a piece of paper and a pencil. Write the answers down to the following.)

• Decide how much money you want (realistically) our of your divorce.

• Decide how often you would like to see the children (if you have any)

• Determine if the divorce will be uncontested or an all out battle.

• Determine “when” you want to be divorced.

• Write down all the possessions that you want (realistically).

• Write down any other ‘details’ that you want established in your divorce.

Take a few minutes and try to put everything you can on this list. You will always be able to add to it later.

Now that you have made your list, go back and reread the list. Cross off everything on the list that isn’t worth fighting for, or doing hard work to get. You can save yourself a lot of hassle by knowing what not to ight for. If it really isn’t worth it to you – then don’t worry about it.

Important Note: The things that you crossed off the list as things you didn’t want to fight for are things that you can ‘pretend to be willing to fight for’! So when you negotiate you can mention that you have to have these things. Then you can “trade” them for more important things that you really want.

Now you have a list of everything that you want. Be sure to include intangible things like “peace of mind”, and other concepts that aren’t related to physical stuff. This is important because you will be using this list to get every thing you want out of your divorce.

Now you need to take your list and figure out a time line. If you want to get divorced in 3 months, you should probably already be contacting a lawyer. This brings up another point. Choosing the wrong lawyer can absolutely devestate the entire divorce process for you. There is a way to choose the perfect lawyer but you can ask me about that later.

It is also important that you DON’T tell your spouse that you want a divorce until you have followed the right steps to make sure all of your bases are covered. There may be some financial things that you want to take care of BEFORE you tell your spouse you want a divorce. If you just lose it and tell them you want a divorce, they won’t let you change names on the mortgage, car, checking account, etc…

So you need to plan ahead. If you can plan ahead things will go smoother. Now if you are already in the middle of a divorce, there are still things you can plan for and other ways to get everything you want also. You need access to come easy to use tricks that can help you negotiate for everything you want. This article does not cover those tactics because there are too many to list here. A key factor in your negotiating skills is making your spouse believe that they are getting a better deal than you. There are ways to do this. If you can’t get them to believe they are getting a better deal, then you need to employ stronger tactics to get what you want. You will be able to use the items that you crossed off of your list as leverage in your negotiations.

It is vitally important that you plan for divorce with the right divorce method. From the list you just made, you can make a detailed divorce method of your own to get exactly what you want from your divorce. You should also seek out special techniques that will accelerate the results of your plan. If there is a way that you can tap into the experience of thousands of people to get results, you should do so. I am not saying this to be mysterious. If you read every last word of this article you will know where to find those resources.

Now take action and work your plan!

Source: here.